I went to see “Hope Springs” last night. Based on the trailers I’d seen, I thought it would be a romantic comedy, but it was much more serious than I’d anticipated. And sexual. It paired two excellent actors, Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones (plus Steve Carell, who did a great job as a couples therapist). What struck me most about the film is how, even though the couple has been married for 31 years, it’s about courtship.
I write about courtship. I know the value of courtship in a couple’s lives, whether real or fictional. When I type “the end” I always picture my hero and heroine living as happily ever after as any couple possibly can. That doesn’t mean their relationship is perfect, but it’s perfect for them. My son and daughter-in-law have been married for fourteen years, and every time I follow behind them in my car, watching them in theirs, they’re always talking. That strong friendship is what carries them through all kinds of unforeseeable problems. They talk things through. That’s the key to their success.
And that’s what I’ve made the key to success for my fictional couples—communication. When they don’t talk, it leads to problems, which leads to conflict, so that there’s enough story to get to the end of the book. Then they get things figured out, usually by talking, and everything is back on track. Oh, I know it’s not as simple as that, but you get what I mean.
I love writing about courtship. It’s such a hopeful time. You tend to spill your guts and hope the other person accepts you regardless. When they do, you know it’s love.
I was sixteen when my future husband started courting me, eighteen when we got married. I had thirty-four years with him before he passed away. My memories of courtship are still strong, still warm, and bits and pieces often show up in my work as my tribute.
How about you? Even if you didn’t marry a particular person, was the courtship memorable? Will you share?
Lovely and wise, Susan. I so agree–on everything you said. My husband and I are both very strong-minded. Sometimes life and other stuff gets in the way and we have our issues. But eventually, we always work it out. Through communication. I do admire your long, successful marriage. But I know why it was a good one. Because you know what makes a marriage work.
Thanks, Chris, but I learned the hard way like everyone else. In retrospect I see what worked and what didn’t. Time and age help, I think.
And you–strong-minded? I never would’ve guessed.
Susan
I loved that movie and I thought it was true when the therapist said that marriages that last a long time often go through good and bad periods.
Like you, I try to make sure the couples in my books have a strong friendship base and the ability to communicate in addition to sexual attraction, so that when they do get together in the end, we can see their marriage as being a long and happy one.
I agree, Cindy. Good and bad times, like every relationship, I guess, even long-term friends.
There’s nothing like courtship, however
.
Susan
I’ve heard great things about this movie, Susan. And I’m with you. The courtship phase is such a hopeful, magical time.<3
Magical, yes, for sure. I’d be curious to know what you think of the movie after you’ve seen it.
Susan
I met my husband in April – had our first date on Easter. 3 1/2 months later we married and moved to Arizona. But that time will always be a memory to me that I will never forget. Been married 33 years.
Wow! You lived a romance novel
. That made me smile big.
Susan
One of my bugaboos is when trailers misrepresent what movies are truly about. Why they had to try to make Hope Springs seem like a romantic comedy when it is obviously a much deeper movie shows the lack of faith in the US audience. Be honest and we’ll still come! Not everything has to be funny.
That thought carries into any relationship meant to last – be honest! Take the fun times with the tough times. My husband and I spend a lot of time in companionable silence. When we need to talk we do, at length, but after 30 years of marriage we kind of skip over the superficial stuff.
One of the fun things we do these days is text each other. He says he misses and loves me, and I sigh, because it’s only been a couple hours since he saw me last. A person can never hear I love you enough.
Your personal story was very touching, Susan. I’m so glad you had all of those years together.
I agree about the trailers. I was really caught off guard.
Oh, yes, once you’ve been together for a long time, you kind of know all the backstory, so there isn’t as much to say. I love what you and your husband do. That’s courtship during marriage, and that’s incredibly sweet. Thanks for sharing, and for your comments.
Susan
the night i met my husband was at a alabama/tennessee football party at a friends house. and when they arrived i was told that “eddie and jennifer” were there well i thought they were married, and so my best friends husband was trying to set me up with him and im all nooo there married but turns out they were brother and sister…..well anyways he called me the next week and i came over to his house for pizza and a movie
then he didnt call me for 3 months…i knew he was having issues during the month of october because of his dads death, so i let him do his thing…and finally around march we started talking again. and bam 8 years later were still together. married 5 years, and havent broken up or went through any of that stupid drama that so many people go through now a days….we always talk out our problems and never go to bed mad, but sometimes thats not so easy to do lol.
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